JustAnswer.com

I am so excited! I have been approved as a mental health expert on Justanswer.com. I was really impressed by the very involved process to become verified as an expert. I needed to prove my credentials and I had to take an exam to prove that I was knowledgeable regarding a wide range of mental health topics. I actually found the site because I had a legal question. My question was answered in about five minutes and it was very helpful! You can choose your price for the question to be answered and pay through Paypal.

Here's my profile on JustAnswer.com if anyone is interested. I also included a widget on my blog for others to use if you have a question regarding just about anything. Enjoy!

Toxic Shame and How To Heal It

Have you ever had a shame attack? That feeling of being a bad person and it just hits you out of nowhere? Something will trigger a memory from your past and all of a sudden you're feeling terrible?

It happened to me the other day. I was at work and I was suddenly triggered to remember a terrible relationship I engaged in as a teenager. I was suddenly stunned with shame at the fact that I allowed my self to date someone who treated me so horribly. I immediately felt sick to my stomach and had the thought "how could I have been so stupid". I felt sad and embarrassed and just "bad". It took me about 30 minutes to remember....I am a healthy happy person now. Whew, I hate when that happens.

Having this shame attack last week prompted me to write a little about shame. I hope it can help someone else heal their shame. Luckily, I was able to pull myself out of it rather quickly. Unfortunately, some people live in the trap of toxic shame every day.

Toxic shame is an intense and private pain that is rooted in blaming yourself unjustly. It is based on unreasonable expectations of how you should have been or should be. The toxic part is when you continue to blame yourself and your thinking becomes poisoned. It can make you try to become a perfectionist so no one knows you are "bad". It keeps you from truly being yourself with others which keeps you disconnected spiritually and in all relationships. If a person is suffering from toxic shame they can become crippled emotionally. It can keep a person from moving forward in life and can cause a person to move into a state of self hatred.

If we are shame based to our core, we may believe that no one has the same shameful problems that we have. As a therapist, I can tell you that I hear the same shame based problems on a daily basis. While each person has unique situations and life stories, most problems are a variation on a similar set of problems that we all experience.

Fortunately, there are ways to heal toxic shame. Some people may seek out a therapist that can help challenge and change their negative shame-based thoughts. Others may seek out 12 step programs that let you know, you are not alone and that others have experienced the same problems. Some people make amends or choose to forgive. If we talk about the shame we carry suddenly becomes less heavy. We must remember to talk to people that are nonjudgmental and that will offer unconditional support.

I got over my "shame attack" last week fairly quickly. Mainly it was because I recognized the feeling and was able to call my boyfriend and tell him how I was feeling. He was nonjudgmental and reminded me, "you were just a kid, you didn't know any better. You're a wonderful smart person now. Don't beat yourself up over it!"

How did he get so smart? lol. I'm grateful to have such a supportive person in my life.

If you are suffering from toxic shame, seek out a professional to help you. Also, Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw is a wonderful resource.

Practicing Mindfulness; Become Anxiety Free

As a therapist I am always working with people who suffer from anxiety; panic attacks, social phobia, agoraphobia, and general fears of unknown situations.

I have learned that usually people are anxious because they are living in the future. When people live in the future they are usually experiencing unrealistic fears and worries about what might or might not happen. Which perpetuates a cycle of worry and fear and anxiety.

Recently, I went to a training on mindfulness. I've heard of this concept before but never fully understood what it meant. It's quite an awesome concept! Mindfulness keeps you centered and living in today. Basically, If you live in the moment you're not living in the future or the past. This is also a general premise of 12 step groups (Just For Today). If you live in today you're fully appreciating what's right in front of you. You are making a conscious effort to fully enjoy and appreciate the people you are with at that moment or the food you are eating or the weather outside.

I've challenged myself to really take time and taste the food I'm eating to be aware of the textures and flavors of each bite. When I'm with my family and friends I try to be fully present and connected to the conversation, without thinking about what I need to do later that day. It really works well and it keeps the anxiety away.

I use a variety of tools and techniques to help people over come their anxiety. I developed a social phobia hypnosis CD and a relaxation and stress management hypnosis CD a while back and both have been a big hit with my stress management therapy group. Mindfulness is a tool I am using more and more often. I learned a cool trick to get you grounded and in the present quickly when you're feeling anxious or having a panic attack.

Practicing Mindfulness 5,4,3,2,1,
5. Look around the room and notice five things in the room.
4. Listen for four sounds in the room.
3. Recognize three smells in the room.
2. Take two big deep breaths and release slowly.
1. Say a calming prayer or positive affirmation.

This works amazingly well. I also ran across an unbelievable website; Free Buddhist Audio and a :74 minute FREE download about mindfulness. You can check it out here. It relies on donations, of course I had to donate =)